Friday, December 04, 2009
|2:23 PM|

just a random quote i chanced upon while i was surfing the web around after countless bouts of PCR.

pretty interesting to know that after more than a month of being absent from this web space, i suddenly have the "feeling" to continue keying in my trashy entries.

so i'll just likely elaborate (contradictory,yes i know) on why this quote caught my eye and my fingers.

First and foremost, like all the carnal desires of humans, love is an integral part of the human way of life. And like mentioned, jealousy is always born with love, which in most parts i believe that its decidedly true. Though i've never had a girl friend before (the sad truth :( ), i'm always called upon as a listening ear to much of relationship problems and troubles. In short, i've accumulated a treasure trove of experience from the view of the third party; i.e why things turn out wrong, what to do etc. etc.

Amusing as it seems, people believe what i advice them to do, despite I having absolutely no experience of said matter. i just read the lines of the situation and play by how it goes, thats all i do.

But, in all honesty, there have been and will be times where i myself feel the need to have someone to talk to. If i had the chance to actually talk to a mirror image of myself to discuss my problems, i sincerely wonder what i would say.Like i said many times before, for guys theres always the emo triangle to contend with.

For those that don't remember what it constitutes of, it basically summarizes the 3 mainstream categories of problems that guys face throughout their lives, basically what makes guys sad and emotional when they normally wouldn't.

It consists of;

1. Money

2. Girls

3. Work/Study

its all a vicious cycle whereby a lack of one of the components can lead to serious mood swings and exhibition of stereotypic behaviour.

Examples would be; working to earn money, money to entertain/take care of the girl, and the girl to provide a companion to work with or as someone to encourage.

and the cycle goes on and goes on and goes on... thats what i have found and based my theories upon. I'm no love sage, i'm just an idiosyncratic guy who just dwells on stuff that people usually don't give second thought to.

there are times, where i feel that my theories fall short of what actually happens in real life, and in certain cases, don't apply at all. They said love and life is impromptu and there is no need in forcing things. Always been at the receiving end of a broken heart, its safe to say that time really does heal all wounds. though the wounds are unseen, the cut remains all the same.

being forced to watch by the sidelines and cheer the "players" on, its an arduous task to say the least. not being able to do what i want to do or what i intend to do, its nerve wrecking. though much of what nonsense i spout is incomprehensible, theres actually much meaning to the words i let escape from my mouth. there are few, however, that actually grasp what i actually think about.

A little saying i coined; " There are no such things as best friends, but only friends that know you best."

it holds much meaning to me; especially when in this age, talking to parents is usually not viable, the next best thing being talking to peers that hopefully offer something worth listening to.

Its said that without jealousy, its not called real love.

"Jealousy in a relationship is like salt in food; a little bit can make it much better, yet too much and it can be life-threatening."

pretty true huh, such is the idiosyncrasy of life and the people who walk it.

Moving on, each person has his/her own tastes, and usually there are some traits that appeal to most when finding the partner that they seek to be with. such traits include "sense of humour, good listener, caring, etc etc" and the list goes on. but we all know that people are imperfect and many seek to even out those flaws by pursuing actions that changes the course of their lives.

I shall share a little secret that i've observed in the girls which caught my eye. its not exactly something to be proud of but i'll list it nevertheless. i find girls who know how to carry themselves and take care of themselves( not as in applying layers of makeup) and those who know how to enjoy being themselves. Nothing turns me off more than getting to know a person beneath layers and layers of masks and identities.

though, ironically, i'm guilty of hiding myself beneath dredges of masks and personalities. This, i guess people that know who i really am should understand.

Sorry for not sticking to topic, but its in my nature to jump all over the place without much coherence in my entry (apart from diary-like entries of trips and what not)

and such i type whatever comes into my head, so just make out what it means to you and its good enough for me.

i wonder, when i'll really get a girl friend. All my life, in the many decisions that i make or made, friends have always come out top for me. Instead of choosing for myself, which i know would have made me a whole lot happier, i made the opposing choice.

even now, i would rather sit on the sidelines then compete with a friend for the same girl. for fear of ruining a friendship.

times where i made a decision for myself, anded up horribly for me. being "shot" for being selfish and not thinking about others. why had it ended up like that? i still don't know the reason exactly. but i'm scared.

Scared of making decisions that would benefit myself for fear of estrangement. and so, it has led to a multitude of emo posts and the kind. Its complicated, i know. Even when i share my experience with others and find nothing weird, it feels like another lie.

"Lying to oneself is the worst kind of lie one can make."

But like the countless raw emotions i've bottled up over the years, it just remains as another one to add to the list, another one to join the family, to stay suppressed for the many years to come.

Now, BACK TO THE TOPIC, jealousy, i feel is inevitable. Much have experienced it and so have i. and the feeling is always, simply put, terrible. Of course, if humans were to be completely devoid of jealousy, there would be no progress and competition in the world and it would lead to stagnation of the entire world, ultimately ending with man kinds's extinction by superior races. but with jealousy, such strife is always seen and heard, even between close friends. A single bout of jealousy made eventually lead to irreparable damage done to the relationship, which i know both would ultimately regret. alas, its the fate of mankind to continually struggle like that ( i don't want to sound philosophical and detached on purpose)

Somehow, the words that are scribbled down here are usually a tiny fraction of what goes on through my mind.

"If a guy would give his left nut to understand a girl's mind for a day", i wonder how much it would take to get a glimpse of mine. too complicared it seems.

Liken my life to a chess board, whereby each piece bears significance no matter how weak or small. yet the impact they reserve to create depends on the interaction between the pieces. and so, this mind of MINE (no pun intended), decides to go ahead and plan all sorts of possible moves and manoeuvres to try and get ahead in this pseudo-battle. This, is known as "Mind-politics". Many around me tell me that they don't play politics or openly shun it and abhor it, but deep down inside, in every living person, there is a seed of jealousy and anger. whether it grows or remains dormant, its the individual that matters.

i know i've strayed away from the point too many a time. but yea, its beginning to get difficult to comprehend what the phrase brings across. it could be the same few words, but carry a whole different meaning to different people, varying with experience.

and when thats said and done, nothing changes and i continue my life like nothing has changed.

and that concludes my 1,505 word rant/trash/entry/essay.

i'm happy to know that it took up at least 5minutes of your life to stop by and listen to my nonsense, and for that, i Thank You!