Friday, January 30, 2009
|12:12 AM|
it just rains on you when things don't go the way you intend to
you then sit and ponder about how to improve the disgusting situation
think about the actions
think about the words
think about the problems
then you realise that even if you want to move, if others are not up to pace, progress will get now where
it just sucks sometimes when u realise that the world is selfish in general.
if you cut thee, do i not bleed?
a simple phrase from shakespeare, yet even though it was supposed to be a common goal with many sacrifices, much has been lost along the way
talks about outings, parties, long sleeps, nice weekends are but a dream for now.
people tell me i'm stupid to do this, killing myself in essence
but i chose to continue despite me nearly dying everyday because i know i wont regret my decision
yet it pains me, when the path is dark in front of me, when words get harsh on me, I still have to be the bigger person and move on steadily.
To try approach after approach, regardless of the circumstances, to motivate people, to manage people.
that it seems, is my job.
to shun my appaling attitude, my temper and my life, i find.. is part and parcel
but to endure this without releasing any..
its sheer torture
it just gets tiring, very
to be crucified for being brain dead
is it truly my fault?
In any case, I guess i truly might have failed as an organiser.
Failing in pulling the team together
failure to motivate them when things are uncertain
failure to cover their asses when things get messy
in more ways than one, i failed
yet all i want now, is for things to start and move properly
it doesnt matter if i'm sick or on the verge of collapsing
its a legacy
right now, i just need people who can understand what i'm facing
no need to share it with me, a listening ear and a caring shoulder would suffice
there were so many times i could have broken down, but i chose to move on slightly and yet got shot for my progress and actions...
its hard to earn trust
to find people, a person, that understands what i'm under right now...
the odds are probably 1 in a million...
And I realized...
+ + +
