a conundrum of problems, a myriad of solutions
when i thought one was edging out, another swims in to take its place

there's nowhere to run, i have no place to go
surrender my heart, body and soul

i tell myself to be optimistic, to be impartial and strong
but all i can do is just watch hell break loose around me,
to partake in all things happening

all i don't want was for the people i care about to feel sad, to feel hurt, to be happy
yet in that very aspect i have failed
failed badly...
i ruined the life of many, affected a countless different ones
and all i have for show is for nothing...

a mask i have learnt to live behind, a facade where the truth is unreal
i don't know whats right anymore...
it seems that i don't even want to speak to people about it, i just keep running away
as far as i can go. then turning back i realise the aftermath catching up with me, and then i go again...

i long to disappear
to vanish, to cease existing from this very earth
i guess, it wouldnt make much of a difference anyway...

for an individual who has had such a ubiquitous persona,
not fitting into the rest comes naturally
be it part of a greater design or just one of the mini games of life
its incomprehensible

to try to let things go, to let others find a happiness that they too, long to find
ends up only making my heart grip tighter, not wanting to let go
yet as the hands clamp down tighter, the heart just bleeds faster
holding on to things so dear, yet so painful to bear

to let it go...
maybe it will never happen

for what things matter in the world to me?
what do i matter to the world?
if i had chosen an alternative route, where would i be right now...

i just don't have the answers...
my capabilities...
people around me...

its just so hard
maybe its time to let time lord over me... maybe

the love of my life...
the love that i need...
the love that they say is in life for free...
the love of dreams
the love that i want

loneliness knows me by name...

and i know, loneliness will always be with me...
because somethings, never do change

And I realized...
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