life is NOT good at the moment
and i MEAN it

the situation i currently am in seems directly out of a movie script.

picture a person, bound up, gagged and restrained to the railway tracks while the oncoming train storms ever closer to the human ramp.

all he can do is close his eyes, pray for a non-existent miracle or he can struggle for freedom.
but can he do it? would he perservere and endure the onslaught of time raining on his face with every second? we wouldnt know. i don't.

everything would seem so surreal, so scripted, as if appearing on cue. bound and gagged and forcibly restrained, its not to difficult to visualise what is going on in my life.

think about it, what would be racing through his mind at that time...
time

time

time, time again
the adages, time waits for no man; no man can withstand the onslaught of time.
if only, if only, there was a place i could BORROW time.
or even BUY it...

i feel so helpless now, akin to a kangaroo joey, blind and weak, guided by only the natural instinct to survive. but how is that going to help in what singapore is?

the concrete jungle of the world, a planet which papers dictate life.
where every person is supposed to study to carve out a living.

not that its not good, we're fortunate to be able to do so, but...
it seems that when things come, they come big time.

i am but a small actor in a big play, a role so minor it wouldnt affect the show at all.
each day, i see the errors of others, yet i am unable to correct it, because doing so would be overstepping my authority.
and people do NOT like to be oppressed

yet in another story, i am struggling to cope with day to day events. even making a simple birthday present seems so difficult. making time free to meet up with aquaintances of old seems yet another unsurmountable task.

it seems that no matter which side i look at; be it the academic side or the life skills side,

jason lai xuanjie, has failed.

its a fact that does not change, despite consuming 500g of gummy bears and a pkt of chips more
because with every second i am typing this, i would be 1 second closer to my eventual being
and not even looking that far.

the clock ticks, slowly ticking away the time i have left
the quiz on tuesday, the presentation on wednesday and friday...
the proposal soon...

sometimes i wonder,

if i measure life in hours, how many days have i truely lived...
i guess it would be a question that would be left hanging for quite some time


time is ever passing,
and now it beckons me to engage the presentation on the screen,
which i.... have zero intention of doing so.

if only i had a way,
to stop time, to manipulate it
would my life be better than it is now?


some things i wonder...
others i ponder...
all these happen when my life is torn asunder...

And I realized...
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