i sit here at the computer waiting
waiting...
waiting...
for that one phone call to come and tell me that i did get in.

but somehow, this phonecall..
if there is to be a call..
is somewhere out there.

not knowing whether it would come knocking at my door, to tell me that i did get into the sub comm.

PLEASE let me get in!

i really dont know.
but why?
somehow it seems so surreal, a simple phone call deciding my feelings, at this spur and at this time, so unlikely.

was just a few days ago, when i was sitting in a toilet in ubin.
together with another guy from my group, stupidly rushing to complete a proposal.
but for what?

why did i take it so seriously?

for what did i cut my hands at tying ropes for?

for what did i get splinters into my hands for?

slogging to carry the stuff , to lighten the loads of others.

i'm stupid.
i take it hard on myself, too much! jason, its just too much..
its been 10minutes since i first started to type this short entry, but my phone has just been silently lying there on a piece of paper.

and there i am , willing in to suddenly ring and break the news.
i am lost.
really lost.

if i dont get into the committee, somehow or rather i know i will be really devastated.
because i, myself know that i need to work.
like my father, imma workaholic, not when it comes to studies, but other things.
any projects that come my way.

i'll have it done by hook or by crook, usually means staying up the entire night without sleep, while the others chill out at home or sleeping somewhere and complaining the next day that they slept till their backs hurt.
*expect no complaints from me*
imma sai-kang warrior, born to be made use by others to complete tasks.

no credit, just the final product shown.
really saddens me... truly

for one, i dont know how am i to cope without a cca for the coming months.
the feeling of loneliness, the emptiness.
a blank
a void
an abyss
the pit of where nothing comes from.

wonder how i would turn out in the days to come...
just from waiting for that 1 phone call....

and in the morning.
all i hope for

on the screen of my phone.

" 1 Missed Call "

thats all i ask for...

And I realized...
+ + +